when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something
Cosmo, you sexist piece of shit.
There’s the “I believe in Jesus” Christian and then there’s the “Dinosaurs never existed and Pokemon is evil” Christians.
as an “i believe in jesus” christian i can confirm this
as a daughter of a “pokemons are evil” christian I can confirm this
|Person:||How do lesbians have sex?|
|Me:||The question is how do they stop.|
When I finished reading I said to myself, “No fucking way!” Clever… very clever. You win this time.
This is by far the greatest post in existence. You can all go home. I am in pure awe at the brilliance of this. The world is beautiful and there is hope for humanity.
Yesterday my friend and I were walking out of Forever 21 and the wind blew my skirt up a little. I had shorts on underneath (for this very reason) but two guys in a parked car saw it happen and yelled at me to lift it more, I yelled back, “fuck you!” and they laughed. So I took my pocket knife out of my bag and said, “I will slash your fucking tires” and they did not laugh
i’ve got 99 problems and being a decaying organism that’s born to die in a society run by money that i can’t escape is one of them
do you need a hug
i think we all need a hug
Tate Langdon is a psychopath
I want 20 of them